Ep. 10 script: That’s Nuts!
* Show standard open
Segment 1: Intro us
Segment 2: The Weak in Health News
— commercial —
Segment 3: Personal Stories
Segment 4: Bit:
— commercial —
Segment 5: The Big Issue: Nuts
Segment 6: Bit:
— commercial —
Segment 7: Top List
Segment 8: The Out
* Show standard close
Segment 1: Intro us
() [Lawrence]: Welcome back to the Healthy Comedian podcast, where we are Rehealthing America, one Joke at a time. Todays episode: “That’s Nuts! Are Nuts a Primal Food, or a Modern Health Nightmare?” And now, a man who’s going to shut this country down if he doesn’t get his way, Dr. Dan French.
() That was THE Lawrence Thomas, accept no substitute Lawrences, get the real LT right here! We are back to splarn some health jokes, and splewl some Paleo knowledge. Right over there is the uber-efficient wonder engineer, still hasn’t given up her bra the way the French want her to, Rena.
Let’s launch it with The Weak in Health! Brought to you by : PaleoFX 2014. Mar 28-28, Austin Texas, hosting the greatest learning experience in the world, 3rd straight year, go to PaleoFX.com, early — meaning cheaper — tickets available soon.
Segment 2: The Weak in Health News
* So, just the other night Tom Hanks went on Letterman to announce he has Type 2 diabetes. Man, that is entertainment. What’s next, EW breaks the new big story about Jessica Lange’s chronic fatigue? He goes on Letterman to announce a health condition? I heard he’s going to Arsenio to report on his last prostate exam. Hanks is okay, though, he just signed to do a classic love story about a triangle love affair between him, Meg Ryan, and a syringe. Apparently the audience didn’t react well, but he said, “Hey, something’s gonna kill us all.” Nice one, Tom Paul Sartre. Get a disease, become a pop existentialist. He’s going to be okay, he just hired new personal chef, Paula Deen.
* A team of Chinese scientists found in tests on 57 drinks that Sprite performed the best in relieving hangovers. Yeah, but Mountain Dew lets you bike off mountain cliffs, man! Why are we trusting the Chinese to do this research? What Chinese guy has ever drank 14 beers while the Cowboys blew another 4th quarter lead, they don’t understand our unique American pain. Some symptoms, such as nausea and a headache, are thought to be caused by the process of the body breaking down the alcohol. Our livers release an enzyme called alcohol dehydrogenase (ADH), which breaks down the ethanol in alcohol into a chemical called acetaldehyde. This is then broken down into a chemical called acetate – which is linked to some health benefits of alcohol – by an enzyme called aldehyde dehydrogenase (ALDH). The key to aleviating the damaging effects of alcohol is reducing the time that acetaldehyde is in the body, they concluded. Some drinks, including a herbal tea made from hemp seeds, increased the length of the ADH process, and inhibited the ALDH process, tests showed, whereas Sprite was amongst the drinks which sped up the first process, therefore reducing the damaging effects of the alcohol.
* A new study says that star athletes commercials makes both kids and parents feel better about eating bad food. What, eating macaroons and Dr. Pepper won’t let me hit a major league slider? I’m too busy tracking which athletes shoot people at strip clubs to worry about the food they eat. I’ve seen Peyton Manning’s pizza commercials, I’d say fast food makes you a crappy actor.
* An independent study says that chicken nuggets have less than 50% chicken muscle tissue, with the rest of the snack consisting of fat, blood vessels, nerve, cartilage or pieces of bone. Mmm, McArteries! Now, even stringier! I love stories that make fast food seem as disgusting as it really is.
* Georgia is now offering Drive-By Flu Shot Clinics. And since they don’t have sleeves on their shirts… very efficient. “Hi, I’m Larry the Flu Clinic guy! I think they mean Drive-Thru, I can’t see someone tearing past in a tinted Beemer, throwing flu shots syringes to settle a beef.
* Having health care care workers wear gloves and gowns during all patient contacts did not reduce the risk of transmission of two major multidrug-resistant pathogens. So they just make us wear those gowns that won’t close in the back for a joke.
* Argentina’s president Cristina Fernandez underwent surgery to remove fluid from the surface of her brain after she suffered an unexplained head injury over the summer. What kind of fluid? Tequila? It’s Argentina, so maybe it was tears. Can we have those surgeons drain everyone in Congress?
* New DNA research says the mummified head found in an attic is NOT the head of “good king” Henri IV. Well, that’s a relief! The head is believed to have changed hands several times over the past two centuries, bought and sold at auction or kept in private collections. Who keeps private collections of heads? And who specializes in auctioning heads? Turns out we’ve got a little tape of a head auctioneer.
Bit: Head Auctioneer
Here we go, we’re starting off today with a real beauty. preserved for nearly two hundred and twenty two years, still with the original ears, look at the face on that head, is that lipstick, could be? she said to “let them eat cake,” and now we’ve got her head for sale, the one the only, Marie An-toin-etttttttteee. Do I hear a thousand? A thousand right there to the weirdo with the bowling bag… (keep going with auctioneer prattle, — FADE)
Dan: Okay, that was the head head auctioneer, we’ll be right back.
Segment 3: Personal Narratives
() L’s week
() D’s week
(FRI) Ok, back to my clean (clear, foundational) eating path, even though I’m living in someone else’s space. Janis has big jars of roasted cashews and pecans in super easy access, and reaching for those as snacks has put the ketosis weight I lost back on me. that plus less pristine sleep (puppy, someone else’s schedule, a lighter room,
* transition: hey, we’re going to come right back, but to tease our next section, here’s a quick quiz on Nuts:
Segment 4: Nut Quiz
() Which are not nuts? Pine Nuts, Hazel Nut, Chestnut, Peanut, The Tea Party
() Which nut in the wild contains compounds that break down into cyanide in the body? Walnuts, Almonds, Pecans, or Cyanide Nuts?
() Which nuts are typically grown in Hawaii? Almonds, Cashews, Macadamia, or Pine Nuts?
() Which nut is high in selenium, and is that a good thing? Pine, Pistachio, Macademia, Brazil.
() Which nut sounds most like it’s mad at you? (Pistachio)
() Which nut is best for bikini season? (Brazil)
Segment 5: Big Issue: Nuts
– easy, semi-natural, not processed
– soak overnight in salty water; dry in the sun
– not local, shipped, bio-organisms, mold
– $15 a lb.
— phytic acid
— enzyme inhibitors
— toxic proteins
* bad fats
— pufa (under 4% of total calories per day; PUFAs are easily oxidized when in contact with oxygen, heat and light and oxidized PUFAs are a very bad deal for our health and creates all kinds of toxic reactions with sugars and proteins in our bodies. For this reason, nuts and seeds are much better eaten unroasted and should be refrigerated in an air-tight container and eaten promptly.
— omega-6’s (want a 1:1 with omega-3’s)
— nuts: almonds, walnuts, cashews, pecans, pistachios, macadamia, pine, chestnuts,
hazelnuts, brazil nuts,
— seeds: flax, sesame, sunflower, pumpkin
— legumes: peanuts,
Segment 7: The Out
We’ve had another awesome time today. Check out the blog and Youtube channel…
* tune in on Monday for our bonus to today’s show, we have Big Keith Norris from Efficient Exercise and PaleoFX in Austin to talk about training a fat guy. Lot of fun, here’s an excerpt…
And, since our buddy Tom Hanks announced he has Type 2 diabetes — also known as sugar addiction — we thought we’d lay out a new career path for him. Here are the
TOP MOVIE REMAKES FOR DIABETIC TOM HANKS
Castaway Those Doughnuts
Joe Versus the Big Gulp
A Ward of Their Own
Insulinless in Seattle
The Green Foot
You’ve Got Diabetes
Injecting Private Ryan
Check My Glucose If You Can
Apollo Type 2
The Dialysis Code
* some obscure films he produced
My Big Fat Greek Heart Attack
Sack Racing with Ella Fitzgerald
* Sign Off
Thank you so much, this is the Healthy Comedian podcast, and remember, Comedy is the best way to learn what’s trying to kill you.