Ep. 18 script: Goitrogens

HC-018:  Goitrogens

* Show standard open

Segment 1:  Intro us

Segment 2:  The Weak in Health News

— commercial —

Segment 3:  Personal Stories

Segment 4:  Bit:

— commercial —

Segment 5:  The Big Issue: Goitrogens

Segment 6:  Bit:

— commercial —

Segment 7:  Top List

Segment 8:  The Out

* Show standard close

*  Show Links for Week 17  *

Segment 1:  Intro us

()  [Dan]:    Welcome back to the Healthy Comedian podcast, where we are Rehealthing America, one Joke at a time.  Todays episode:  “Goitrogens:  Funny Word, Scaaaary Foods.”  And now your host, he lives on a teeter-totter and likes it that way, Dr. Dan French

()  That was Lawrence Thomas!  Charlene “The Final Word in Edgy Cuteness” Mae,and wonder engineer, Rena.

Let’s launch it with The Weak in Health!  Brought to you by :  PaleoFX 2014.  Mar 28-30, Austin Texas, hosting the greatest learning experience in the world, 3rd straight year, go to PaleoFX.com, early — meaning cheaper — tickets available soon.

Segment 2:  The Weak in Health News

()  masculine men/ugly daughters

()  flat belly preggo

()  viagraians not happier

()  deep voiced koalas

()  messy kids

*  A new study says that masculine men are more likely to have ugly daughters. Bam, take that, children of Schwarzneggar! Wow, so Tom Hanks will have beautiful daughters, because he’s a wuss!  This is all according to a new study, done by the Institute of Why we got all these ugly bitches up in here?  children of attractive parents have up to a 70 percent chance of being attractive as well.  Great, so if either my Mom or my Dad had had better taste… Researchers said the reason is because some of the father’s masculine features would be passed on to their daughters.

* flat stomach preg chick

There’s a pro soccer player from Norway — they kick snowballs and snowmen heads, I assume — whose wife is a prolific blogger — code for egomaniac with a computer —   who writes under the name ‘Fotballfrue’ or The Footballer’s Wife –just so we all remember she’s not the important one — that’s like someone here blogging as “Peyton Manning’s wife” (which I’d actually like to hear)–

Hername is Caroline Berg Eriksen —  Berg? That’s not sexy.  There’s no way to say “Come here, Berrrrrg” in a sexy way.   But she’s super hot, like runway model, finger down her throat, thigh gap big enough to drive a Ferrari through hot.  She has sparked outrage — outrage, I say!  all the way back to the middle ages for this expression!  By posting a picture of herself– a selfie, which is the same beginning as “selfish”   – in her underwear, with a  washboard stomach just four days after giving birth.

The prolific fitness blogger – — posted a selfie to her Instagram profile of her posing in front of a mirror in her underwear.

Her washboard stomach, complete with six-pack, and toned thighs can be seen in the image.

She said: ‘In my eyes, this picture is wildly provocative.

‘Not just because I’m the chubby girl who’s envious of her petite figure, but because I began to despise my own body when I was about twelve.’

Commenting on the post, one writer Heidi said: ‘Is it really necessary to post a halvnakent picture of themselves?! It’s just to show off, thinking’s not much on how that image can affect readers.’

Commenting on the photo on Instagram, one user laurajanewilkes said, ‘Can she look like this 4 days after???’

The blogger gave birth to her daughter Neilia on Monday morning.

Posting on Instagram, she said: ‘I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl yesterday, 10 minutes past 9 in the morning Her name is Nelia and she is perfect.’

Mrs Berg Eriksen, who is married to Premier League player Lars-Kristian Eriksen has sparked outrage in the Norwegian media with the post – with one blogger slamming the move as ‘wildly provocative.’

Writing online, writer Suzanne Aabel said she couldn’t be sure if Mrs Ber Eriksen even ‘belonged to the same species’.

The blogger was also backed by Gro Nylander, head of the women’s clinic at the Norwegian National Hospital.

According to the Local, she said: ‘I don’t think we should bully The Footballer’s Wife. ‘Life is unfair, some people have flat stomachs while others have pouts.’

The doctor added that new mothers  must understand that every body responded differently to pregnancy and that is was not productive to compare to other women.

‘The most imporant thing is to be kind to your body. It’s a positive thing to have a few extra kilos on your body after birth,’ she said.

Mrs Berg Eriksen studied journalism at the Norwegian School of Creative Studies before becoming a fitness and health blogger.

Lars-Kristian Eriksen plays for Odd Grenland in the Norwegian Premier League.

He has

She lives in rural Norway with husband Lars-Kristian Eriksen and Hugo her chihuahua.


* Here’s a headline:   Viagra does not make men happier

Although it makes women ecstatic.  Viagra, the quicker picker upper. So the study, published in Journal of Sexual Medicine — or as I like to call it the Juggs of the academic world — points out that  PDE5 inhibitors such as Viagra  – I love it when I know the science inside my erection —   work by relaxing blood vessels, but do nothing to help tackle the psychologicl side of erectile dysfunction, or ED.  Which is a guy’s name, I’d like to point out.   ”It’s simplistic to think that fixing an erection issue would solve relationship issues,” said researcher Dr. Andrew Kramer of the University of Well, It Can’t Hurt.   He goes on to point out even more obvious things like, “Happiness is very complicated. A lot of couples still need therapy.  And there are other issues affecting impotence, like depression, anxiety, relationship problems, alcohol and drug use, and women porking up.  Hey, that’s what he said, I’m just reading here.

*  deep voiced koalas

Researchers have finally figured out how koala bears make such low-pitched mating calls.  Well thank god, now they can get on to studying this little cancer problem.   Here’s the thing, male koala bears’ mating calls have a very low pitch for such a small sized animal.  It sort of sounds like a whale prostate exam.  Just “buuuuuhhhhhh.”  Like Barry White burping.   the Australian marsupial’s pitch is roughly 20 times lower than it should be. Researches say it’s because koalas possess an extra pair of vocal folds that are located outside the larynx, where the oral and nasal cavities connect,” And they discovered this my killing and dissecting koalas.  Or what I like to call the “bummer behind the story.”   explained that when the bears inhale, the call sounds very similar to snoring. When the koalas exhale, the vibrations create a sound that is similar to belching.  The team described the vocal folds as two long, fleshly lips that sit right above the larynx.  – they’ve got vagina throat!  ”To our knowledge, the only other example of a specialized sound-producing organ in mammals that is independent of the larynx are the phonic lips that toothed whales use to generate echolocation clicks,” — or, more concisely, nature be weird.

*  messy kids learn better

I picked this one just for Lawrence.  A new study says that the messier a kid is, the more they learn.  Lawrence, you are a genius.  That’s not my underwear on the floor, it’s a science lesson!     researchers believe that the messier your child gets while playing with food in the high chair, the more he or she is learning.  Which is great, because my daughter was like a pig with the jitters.  She got food in her ears. In a paper published in the journal Developmental Science, Samuelson and her team at the University of Iowa tested their idea by exposing 16-month-olds to 14 nonsolid objects, mostly food and drinks such as applesauce, pudding, juice, and soup.

They presented the items and gave them made-up words, such as “dax” or “kiv.” A minute later, they asked the children to identify the same food in different sizes or shapes.

Not surprisingly, many children gleefully dove into this task by poking, prodding, touching, feeling, eating—and yes, throwing—the nonsolids in order to understand what they were and make the correct association with the hypothetical names.

The toddlers who “interacted” the most with the foods—parents, interpret as you wish—were more likely to correctly identify them by their texture and name them, the study determined.


Segment 3:  Personal Narratives

()  L’s week

()  R’s week

()  D’s week

Segment 4:  Goitrogen

Vegeterrorians always act like plants are god’s gift to us.  But they have lots of things in them.

Goitrogens are substances that suppress the function of the thyroid gland by interfering with iodine uptake, which can, as a result, cause an enlargement of the thyroid, i.e., a goiter.

Segment 7:  The Out

We’ve had another awesome time today.   Check out the blog and Youtube channel…


Come on, we’re both clingy.

I like furry chicks.

Let’s do it outback.

I do it slow, like a sloth.

My last girlfriend was a panda.

You can wear a Teddy.

I’m the Ryan Gosling of koala bears.

Nice pouch.

I’m a marsupial, I can stay up all night long.

Is that eucalyptis you’re wearing?

*  Sign Off

Thank you so much, this is the Healthy Comedian podcast, and remember, Comedy is the best way to learn what’s trying to kill you.

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