I know it sounds crazy, but there are actually males out in the world who are choosing — without a turnip being held to their heads — to go “vegan.” Girls, to head this off, here are the TOP SIGNS YOUR BOYFRIEND HAS GONE VEGAN.
He leaves his web browser open on the porn site, Barely Edible.
He tears up when he opens a can of meaty dog food for the puppy.
For your anniversary he wants to take you to his favorite restaurant, the back yard.
You pat him on the leg and it fractures his femur.
He has a wristband that reads “I Heart Kelp.”
You suspect he’s having an affair with some chard.
He considers the band Coldplay to be manly.
He says his beard needs fertilizer.
He suddenly cares about cats.
No oral sex, because, well…